This should go down well given our recent "traffic cops" discussion :D
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2004 ... p1.php?emf
The New Vak 425 Pathetic Joke Corner
Moderators: ajaxusa, Kowalczyk, mods
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SE6Ajacied
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DCLXVI
- Berichten: 666
- Lid geworden op: za nov 06, 2004 12:22 am
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An Australian Farmer, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Farmer. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Farmer took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Farmer had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was
well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Farmer started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Farmer. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Farmer took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Farmer had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was
well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Farmer started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?
Curator van de handelingsonbekwaam verklaarde, in een aftandse Polo rondtuffende WeekendCees
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Manneken Pis
- Berichten: 1331
- Lid geworden op: do feb 03, 2005 4:29 pm
- Locatie: Brussels
The Mastercard ad they didn't put on air.....
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 70&pr=goog
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 70&pr=goog
“If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”
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Over Pasanens Head
- Berichten: 829
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The new American Marine Captain was assigned to a Irish Regiment in a
remote post in the Lebanese desert. During his first inspection, he
noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Irish
Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
"Well, sir" is the nervous reply. "As you know, there are 250 men here
and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have .m-m-m....urges.
That'swhy we have the camel, sir."
The American Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I
understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his
own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Irish Sergeant to bring
the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain
stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the Irish do it?
"Uh, no sir", the Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel
into town where the girls are."
remote post in the Lebanese desert. During his first inspection, he
noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Irish
Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
"Well, sir" is the nervous reply. "As you know, there are 250 men here
and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have .m-m-m....urges.
That'swhy we have the camel, sir."
The American Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I
understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his
own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Irish Sergeant to bring
the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain
stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the Irish do it?
"Uh, no sir", the Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel
into town where the girls are."
Well rock and roll is such a crazy drug,
It wraps you up in a great big hug
It wraps you up in a great big hug
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SE6Ajacied
- Berichten: 2437
- Lid geworden op: wo mar 23, 2005 1:14 pm
- Locatie: Still quite close to London SE6
I don't understand. After our last child was born, my wife told me we had
to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big
drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from
grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.
I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "f**k off, that's what the beer was for!"
to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big
drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from
grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.
I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "f**k off, that's what the beer was for!"
Forza Haarlem. HFC Gone but not forgotten!
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SE6Ajacied
- Berichten: 2437
- Lid geworden op: wo mar 23, 2005 1:14 pm
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There are some nutters out there.............
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ... 9502579454
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ... 9502579454
Forza Haarlem. HFC Gone but not forgotten!
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Manneken Pis
- Berichten: 1331
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SE6Ajacied
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- Lid geworden op: wo mar 23, 2005 1:14 pm
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afckeeper95
- Berichten: 130
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- Locatie: Denmark
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aveslacker
- Berichten: 2925
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- Locatie: Hong Kong!
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Manneken Pis
- Berichten: 1331
- Lid geworden op: do feb 03, 2005 4:29 pm
- Locatie: Brussels
I'm not sure where to put this as I think it's a mockumentary, but I'm not 100% certain.
It just feels an awful lot like "Spinal Tap".
Either it's sad and pathetic or fairly amusing.
It follows the Swansea "firm's" trip to Notts County in League 2 (effectively the fourth division).
part 1
http://youtube.com/watch?v=e31c6Z7LrbU&search=swansea
part 2
http://youtube.com/watch?v=R0Vb_SSK3YI&search=swansea
It just feels an awful lot like "Spinal Tap".
Either it's sad and pathetic or fairly amusing.
It follows the Swansea "firm's" trip to Notts County in League 2 (effectively the fourth division).
part 1
http://youtube.com/watch?v=e31c6Z7LrbU&search=swansea
part 2
http://youtube.com/watch?v=R0Vb_SSK3YI&search=swansea
“If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”
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Over Pasanens Head
- Berichten: 829
- Lid geworden op: do nov 06, 2003 2:45 pm
- Locatie: Not Where He Would Like To Be
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.
The Scouser shouts, "•••• off, I'm on disability benefit!"
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.
The Scouser shouts, "•••• off, I'm on disability benefit!"
Well rock and roll is such a crazy drug,
It wraps you up in a great big hug
It wraps you up in a great big hug
Only problem is, no-one in Australia drinks Foster's :DOver Pasanens Head schreef:Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
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SE6Ajacied
- Berichten: 2437
- Lid geworden op: wo mar 23, 2005 1:14 pm
- Locatie: Still quite close to London SE6
That's 'cos it tastes like p! Give me a Wiekse Witte any day!Chugger schreef:Only problem is, no-one in Australia drinks Foster's :DOver Pasanens Head schreef:Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
Forza Haarlem. HFC Gone but not forgotten!
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SE6Ajacied
- Berichten: 2437
- Lid geworden op: wo mar 23, 2005 1:14 pm
- Locatie: Still quite close to London SE6
Hmm, well it's reasonable enuf that I know what p tastes like I suppose but what's your excuse for the old granny's p?Kowalczyk schreef:Wieckse Witte tastes like old granny's p!SE6Ajacied schreef:That's 'cos it tastes like p! Give me a Wiekse Witte any day!
"Oi, oi, oi, oi, give's a Kronenburg, mate." :bier:
(The Streets, 2002)
K.
I'll settle for a 1664 if nothing else is available anyway :xyxthumbs:Forza Haarlem. HFC Gone but not forgotten!
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SE6Ajacied
- Berichten: 2437
- Lid geworden op: wo mar 23, 2005 1:14 pm
- Locatie: Still quite close to London SE6
I'm not really sure this is a "pathetic joke" but I'll leave it here anyway...from a Belgium chat show, this bloke apparently lost his manhood as a resul of some terrible hospital blunder....you don't need to speak Dutch to understand it...poor sod!
http://www.controlancy.co.uk/fun/lost_jewels.htm
http://www.controlancy.co.uk/fun/lost_jewels.htm
Forza Haarlem. HFC Gone but not forgotten!
-
Over Pasanens Head
- Berichten: 829
- Lid geworden op: do nov 06, 2003 2:45 pm
- Locatie: Not Where He Would Like To Be
Two footballers and a bird.
David Beckham, Sol Campbell and Kirsty Gallagher went for a night on the town after a football awards night.
As they left the night-club, Kirsty slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Beckham decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"It's your turn now, Sol" grinned David,
But Campbell started crying.
David asked "Why are you crying, Sol...? What's wrong?"
Campbell sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"
David Beckham, Sol Campbell and Kirsty Gallagher went for a night on the town after a football awards night.
As they left the night-club, Kirsty slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Beckham decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"It's your turn now, Sol" grinned David,
But Campbell started crying.
David asked "Why are you crying, Sol...? What's wrong?"
Campbell sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"
Well rock and roll is such a crazy drug,
It wraps you up in a great big hug
It wraps you up in a great big hug
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Henk de Gier
- Berichten: 11216
- Lid geworden op: ma jan 30, 2006 8:07 pm
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- Contacteer:
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Manneken Pis
- Berichten: 1331
- Lid geworden op: do feb 03, 2005 4:29 pm
- Locatie: Brussels
Julius Caesar
Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colosseum. "Friends,Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious." The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some shi*e eh?
He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conquered France and
addresses the crowd in the Colosseum. "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail
mighty Caesar". Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his
bullsh*t, I'm off to France to check this out."
So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to
Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colosseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you
had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out
you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colosseum then across at
Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing . . . . .
Away Gauls count double in Europe."
:D
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some shi*e eh?
He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conquered France and
addresses the crowd in the Colosseum. "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail
mighty Caesar". Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his
bullsh*t, I'm off to France to check this out."
So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to
Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colosseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you
had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out
you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colosseum then across at
Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing . . . . .
Away Gauls count double in Europe."
:D
“If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”
-
Manneken Pis
- Berichten: 1331
- Lid geworden op: do feb 03, 2005 4:29 pm
- Locatie: Brussels
WORLD CUP FOOTBALL - LIST OF TV RULES
WORLD CUP FOOTBALL - LIST OF TV RULES
Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of
the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the
World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the
conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in
a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not
receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times,
without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote
control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make
sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during
the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require
a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if
you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone,
or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in
the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on,
and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come
over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV
between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed
during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my
teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game",
or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you
will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you
will never ever know more about football than me and your so
called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or
divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk
to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only
if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am
saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy
excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I
have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many
times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child
related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about
saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the
channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will
be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the
World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because
after this Notts start there pre-season freindlies in July and then
their League 2 Chamionship campaign in August.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of
the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the
World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the
conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in
a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not
receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times,
without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote
control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make
sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during
the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require
a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if
you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone,
or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in
the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on,
and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come
over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV
between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed
during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my
teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game",
or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you
will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you
will never ever know more about football than me and your so
called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or
divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk
to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only
if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am
saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy
excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I
have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many
times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child
related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about
saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the
channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will
be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the
World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because
after this Notts start there pre-season freindlies in July and then
their League 2 Chamionship campaign in August.
Thank you for your cooperation.
“If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”
-
Over Pasanens Head
- Berichten: 829
- Lid geworden op: do nov 06, 2003 2:45 pm
- Locatie: Not Where He Would Like To Be
The Rabbi and the Tax Inspector
At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to Audit
the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with
the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back
to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these bread -wafer purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufactures, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know - it - all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year
they send us a complete pr!ck."
At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to Audit
the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with
the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back
to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these bread -wafer purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufactures, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know - it - all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year
they send us a complete pr!ck."
Well rock and roll is such a crazy drug,
It wraps you up in a great big hug
It wraps you up in a great big hug
-
Manneken Pis
- Berichten: 1331
- Lid geworden op: do feb 03, 2005 4:29 pm
- Locatie: Brussels
Preparing your wife/girlfriend/partner for the World Cup....
Lesson #37: The Offside Rule.
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop
assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which
you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them
with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had
no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop
and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other
shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,
*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch
the purse and buy the shoes.
Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it
would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
Congratulations - You have just learned the offside rule! :xyxthumbs: :yes: :xyxthumbs: :yes: :xyxthumbs:
Lesson #37: The Offside Rule.
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop
assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which
you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them
with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had
no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop
and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other
shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,
*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch
the purse and buy the shoes.
Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it
would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
Congratulations - You have just learned the offside rule! :xyxthumbs: :yes: :xyxthumbs: :yes: :xyxthumbs:
“If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”
-
The Purple Cow
- Berichten: 448
- Lid geworden op: vr nov 07, 2003 11:03 am
- Locatie: Nantwich
- Contacteer:
Weather forecast inna Aussie Stylee
http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=3704
(Somewhat NSFW, esp. if you're employed by fascists)
'Featuring' Aussie Gangsta Chopper Reed who famously chopped his own ears off so that he would be transferred to prison hospital and thus not be murdered by fellow inmates.
http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=3704
(Somewhat NSFW, esp. if you're employed by fascists)
'Featuring' Aussie Gangsta Chopper Reed who famously chopped his own ears off so that he would be transferred to prison hospital and thus not be murdered by fellow inmates.